Deb Ball, member of lesbian social group

I’m a member of a group for older lesbians and for many years we met in a local LGB centre. Then it became “LGBTQ+” and the trustees said that by law we had to accept trans women – males who identify as lesbians – as members. After the Supreme Court ruling last year, we asked if it would be acceptable to have two separate groups: one that includes trans women, and another for female people only. But they won’t accept that solution, either. They’ve refused for a year to have a face-to-face meeting, calling us aggressive and various insults, even though we have been nothing but polite.

Having men in a lesbian group is awkward because they come from a completely different place, they have nothing in common with us, particularly as older lesbians. They’re usually the only person in the room with long hair and a skirt! Sometimes I see the discomfort on women’s faces but nobody expresses their feelings out loud. You don’t want to upset anybody. 

I asked the other women to describe how they feel about losing our space, and they used words like sad, angry, isolated, sidelined, neglected, invisible… One of them said she was made to feel irrelevant. I’ve been fighting for my whole life for the right to spend time around like-minded women. We’ve had so many battles campaigning for equal rights, and it’s disheartening having to do it all over again. 

We continue to meet outside the centre, to have meals together, go for coffee, and go for walks. But we need a safe place to meet. When you go to a public place you have to pay for food, and there are people all around and they can hear you. You can’t have intimate conversations. A year on from the judgment, even though they’re still asserting that they’re “trans inclusive” the trustees have agreed to (but not yet arranged) a facilitated meeting… watch this space!